Increasing Pain

Since getting out of the Navy, my back pain has only increased. I got out in 2007 and by 2010, it had become necessary to have back surgery. Twelve years later, my pain is worse. My 2010 lumbar fusion seemed like a good idea at the time. However, as I have learned, when you fuse one part of your back, other areas become stressed. And that is what has happened.

In 2016, I started to lose feeling and strength in my left arm. There was some pressure and pain in my neck. Another ruptured disc, or whatever. Another surgery. I regained the strength in my left arm.

It is 2022. My lower back hurts so much. My mid to upper back and neck continue to become more painful. I can’t get comfortable; not in a chair or the couch or even in bed. I stumble around my house like a drunk person. If only that were the case. I hardly ever have a drink these days. Alcohol only makes the pain worse.

I can’t work; too much pain. I used to do Uber. Can’t do that anymore. Can’t sit in the car for long periods.

I can’t practice [the saxophone] consistently because of pain. I’ll get started on something, but the next day I can’t tolerate the weight of the horn. By the time I get back to it, I have lost ground. It is extremely frustrating.

I don’t take anything stronger than Tylenol or Ibuprofen, and that, not very much. The long term side effects of some of these medications can damage the liver, kidneys, and other organs. So, I pretty much suffer my full pain. I’d rather live in pain I guess than die before I’m ready because of drugs. How awful.

I don’t know what to do. So I have decided to tell it here. I have no one else to talk to about it. I feel isolated, deserted though I know it is not true. My daughter is here with me. I have friends just across the road; walking distance, even for me. A lot of is just aging. Aging is not for cowards!

There will be no more structural surgeries if I can help it. They seem only to make things worse.


One thought on “Increasing Pain

  1. Reading your story about pain made me feel so emotional. This struggle you are having seems like it could break down the spirit of even the strongest man. It seems you are very realistic about how you have gotten to this point, and even some avenues of relief you have attempted, but all has been for not. I know a man like you would have explored medical consultations for options, and even my own opinion would agree about this type of surgery. I am not a clinician, but being a medical practice Manager for over 20 years, I would warn a patient about this type of surgery. As we advance in our years, sometimes the body does not respond to man made modifications.
    I do know of a man who does bring relief and I know you know Him too. Tony, at the foot of Jesus is where you should lay this weight of pain, this desperate feeling of isolation, all the sadness that this has brought to you. Though we all have pain and feel helpless at times, we can fall on our knees to the Lord. Open your heart to Him, He is waiting for you.
    If you give this to Him, you will be singing His praises and reaching out to tell everyone about the victories that He has given you.
    In these times, the deceiver is making a strong effort to take down as many of God’s children as he can. I know that you know this. Let us pray…..
    Oh God you are my God. I am your child and I put my trust in your son Jesus. I fall short in your ways and need your healing and forgiveness. I am a child with weakness, but give thanks for the goodness you have for me. All thanks to you Lord for the life you have given me. Give me the strength to do your will, to glorify you in song! Give me the ability to glorify you with the gifts you have given to me!

    Tony, I hope that you give this to the Lord, I believe He has a purpose and plan for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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